Desire in Theory and Practice

"Why is love so complex?"
"Because the human mind is. And because we often feel it one way, but live it another."

They say love is personal. Subjective. To each their own. But is all of it? Isn't there a suspiciously universal subtext that sneaks into every romantic narrative, no matter how unique it seems?

In a surreal paradox, romantic relationships are both strong and fragile. Their sanctity diversely defined.

To me, what matters the most is the emotional or intellectual bond I share with someone. My greatest desire is walking through the complex and deeply personal terrains of another's mind. But that’s where I often brush up against a collective script that insists — skin proximity is the highest devotion in love.

I don't deny the importance of physical intimacy, the comfort of closeness. To be honest, at times, I crave it too. But I do find myself questioning where it stands in the hierarchy of relational needs.

I’ve seen people tumble into bed just after a couple of good dates. No judgement there, because I think it's one way to celebrate chemistry and soothe a physical need.

I've seen couples upholding their sex life as the cornerstone of connection. But, ironically, I’ve also seen people in fractured marriages holding on to sex like a ritual, devoid of emotions. And yet, that act is still often hailed as the gold standard of connection, loyalty, possession. The holy grail of intimacy.

While I know touch is primal, must it always be primary? Is it inherently more intimate, or just easier to explain?

Perhaps we’ve placed physical intimacy at the apex of the relational pyramid not because it always belongs there, but because it’s the simplest to measure, the least ambiguous to declare. Maybe because it's the most visible, most socially palatable way of saying I care for you.

Maybe because, even though mind can be the most intimate place we share, it remains the least validated. And maybe because what two minds share, in their layered, often unspeakable complexity, is not tangible enough.

Woven deeply into the socio-cultural fabric since time immemorial, physical infidelity is the ultimate deception in love. But emotional disconnection? The quiet erosion of shared meaning? Though often far more agonizing, that's something we’re more willing to pardon. Shouldn’t we be rethinking which truly breaks the bond?

Changing the language of love as we know it isn’t easy. Rewriting priorities and re-ranking desires can be confusing, chaotic, even lonely. But then again, I believe that’s what to each their own truly means.